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Aug. 10th, 2009 02:01 pmDear dumb-ass client,
Lawyers ain't free. Those that are inevitably are young and shiny and new and fresh-faced and desperate to build up a client base.
The lawyer you use? Old and greedy.
And yes, when you sign a Fee Agreement with an attorney that says "I hereby request the Law Office of XYZ to provide me with legal service and legal representation in the following specific matter(s) and any future matters:", that is legally binding. And it means that when you call us about an issue that is unrelated to whatever you came to see us about initially all those years ago, you are still obligated to pay your bills by virtue of your signature on that document.
Saying "that paper that I have my signature on? That doesn't count, that was about something totally different!", that doesn't work. Seriously.
Forgetting that the second page of your F/A clearly states "all phone calls will be charged a minimum of .2 hours" is not our problem, but it IS your responsibility.
So when your irate opposing party calls your lawyer on his cell phone on a Saturday morning before breakfast, don't inform me that you shouldn't have to pay for that call, or that your uncooperative opposing party should have to pay it. The only way your opposing party got that number in the first place is because you gave it to her, despite your saying that the only reason you gave her the number was because the opposing party wanted it for her attorney. Your opposing party may be "a liar", but aside from the obviousness that if work done on your behalf is charged to you, the fact that YOU gave her his private cell phone means that you authorized him to speak with her. I cannot believe that you actually left a message on the office answering machine bitching about how "he should have hung up on her immediately". Oh puh-LEASE.
Also, in addition to yes, being financially responsible for all the calls you made to your attorney, - even when it "was just one little question here and one little question there"- and also being financially responsible for any calls made by your opposing party to your attorney, you are ALSO financially responsible for any calls made by your husband to this office on your behalf. ESPECIALLY when your husband was a client of ours before he ever met you.
Finally, when you are nattering in my ear about how you never expected this and didn't know that and don't understand why you should have to pay for the other thing, when I try to answer your questions and give you the relevant information, do NOT tell me that you're picking up on some attitude from me. I have NO PROBLEM with explaining in small words to you that I am trying to give you the info, but you keep talking over me because I am not saying what you want to hear. Of course I will itemize this bill for you, and I will happily send it today. It is so gracious of you to inform me that you will pay what you feel is acceptable each month, and extra gracious of you to hang up on me because I don't take your bullshit.
You may be a "strong woman" or whatever, but you're also an idiot. I look forward to sending out your future itemized statements, and charging interest on the overdue balance.
( ** )
Lawyers ain't free. Those that are inevitably are young and shiny and new and fresh-faced and desperate to build up a client base.
The lawyer you use? Old and greedy.
And yes, when you sign a Fee Agreement with an attorney that says "I hereby request the Law Office of XYZ to provide me with legal service and legal representation in the following specific matter(s) and any future matters:", that is legally binding. And it means that when you call us about an issue that is unrelated to whatever you came to see us about initially all those years ago, you are still obligated to pay your bills by virtue of your signature on that document.
Saying "that paper that I have my signature on? That doesn't count, that was about something totally different!", that doesn't work. Seriously.
Forgetting that the second page of your F/A clearly states "all phone calls will be charged a minimum of .2 hours" is not our problem, but it IS your responsibility.
So when your irate opposing party calls your lawyer on his cell phone on a Saturday morning before breakfast, don't inform me that you shouldn't have to pay for that call, or that your uncooperative opposing party should have to pay it. The only way your opposing party got that number in the first place is because you gave it to her, despite your saying that the only reason you gave her the number was because the opposing party wanted it for her attorney. Your opposing party may be "a liar", but aside from the obviousness that if work done on your behalf is charged to you, the fact that YOU gave her his private cell phone means that you authorized him to speak with her. I cannot believe that you actually left a message on the office answering machine bitching about how "he should have hung up on her immediately". Oh puh-LEASE.
Also, in addition to yes, being financially responsible for all the calls you made to your attorney, - even when it "was just one little question here and one little question there"- and also being financially responsible for any calls made by your opposing party to your attorney, you are ALSO financially responsible for any calls made by your husband to this office on your behalf. ESPECIALLY when your husband was a client of ours before he ever met you.
Finally, when you are nattering in my ear about how you never expected this and didn't know that and don't understand why you should have to pay for the other thing, when I try to answer your questions and give you the relevant information, do NOT tell me that you're picking up on some attitude from me. I have NO PROBLEM with explaining in small words to you that I am trying to give you the info, but you keep talking over me because I am not saying what you want to hear. Of course I will itemize this bill for you, and I will happily send it today. It is so gracious of you to inform me that you will pay what you feel is acceptable each month, and extra gracious of you to hang up on me because I don't take your bullshit.
You may be a "strong woman" or whatever, but you're also an idiot. I look forward to sending out your future itemized statements, and charging interest on the overdue balance.
( ** )
